A short guide on approaching women in bars


If you’ve read my guide on approaching women, you’ll know my stance on bars.

Bars are the stuff of nightmares for many of the men reading this. But whilst the competition is high, there is just a handful of housekeeping issues that sets apart the guys who sulk home alone and those who leave the bar with the mobile numbers of girls who are genuinely interested.

Everything written in my approach guide also applies here, but this is an even more specialised look at approaching women in the realms of bars.

By following this simple advice, you will notice serious differences in the way women respond to you.

Before I get into it though, a note on PUA techniques. Whilst I don’t advocate the use of gamey tactics or learning lines, meeting and approaching women demands a degree of strategy and communication skills.

Without further ado –


Bullet summary:

  • Go to bars with friends, to have fun.
  • Move as little as possible.
  • Approach women that have gravitated toward you.
  • Communicate that you aren't needy.
  • Don't get drunk.


1 - Go to bars with friends, to have fun.


This might sound paradoxical when your reason for reading this is to learn how to get a girlfriend. But if you go to a bar with the sole intention to meet and attract women, your desperation will be communicated in your behaviour, no matter how much you try to hide it. People, especially women, unconsciously sense the reasons behind other people’s actions, and pick up on even the most subtle non-verbal clues.

Being surrounded by a few friends (who aren’t rowdy or obnoxious) will solidify your social proofing. It simply looks good. Women want to meet men they can be sure aren’t weird, lonely stalkers. Having friends around you dismisses these concerns and builds the curiosity about you.


2 – Move as little as possible.


I don’t doubt that the first thing you do after walking into a bar is look to see where all the hot single women are.

Guys who go to bars to meet women are so obvious about it. They prowl around hunting, doing laps of the dance floor to ‘scope out the talent’, trying to lock eyes and gauge levels of interest whilst lingering near groups of women. All the while they ruin any chance they may have had, as it becomes clear to every girl in there that these guys are desperate for attention. Which, needless to say, isn’t very attractive.

You might not think it, but women in bars are generally aware of who is around them and what they are doing. No amount of dancing near them, waiting for eye contact is going to get you noticed. If you’ve seen them, assume they’ve seen you.

It’s far more attention grabbing to do what most guys aren’t doing. Stick to one area with your buddies. In the corner of the bar maybe. Park your feet still, move as little as possible and stay there. Have fun - drink, chat, laugh. Don’t go glancing over your shoulder every few minutes to see who’s watching you. Be present with your friends and enjoy their company. You’ll naturally be aware of your immediate surroundings anyway.

3 – Approach.


As if by magic, groups of curious girls will gravitate toward you. They’ll position themselves in your orbit for a while, which is the perfect time to approach. If they’re very interested, they may even approach you first.

The beauty of this approach is that, the context is already laid out. She’s seen you for the half hour, enjoying some drinks with your friends, minding your own business not desperate to impress. She’s had a drink and let her guard down, open to meeting people.

This is what makes it so much easier to meet women in a social setting like a bar.

Read my other guide for more detailed advice on what to say during the approach. But if I were you, I’d keep it simple and tell the truth – “Hey, I was just standing over there with my buddies and I had to come and say, you look really cute, what’s your name?”.

Have a fun and flirty conversation, learn a bit about each other, get her contact details and even go for the kiss.


4 – Communicate that you aren’t needy


Perhaps the biggest concern for women is that you could be weird and needy, and expect her to spend the rest of the night with you and settle down together.

To avoid giving off that vibe, create space between the two of you.

So you’ve approached the girl, had a drink together and flirted a little. An easy way to create some breathing space is to say “I’ll be back in a sec” then just go off to the bathroom to pee for a couple minutes. Be sure not to say “Stay here, I’ll be right back” or “don’t go anywhere”. It’s a subtle sign that you’re not clinging on to her for dear life. She could leave if she wanted.

If, during your interaction, she says “I’ll be back”, “I’m going to use the bathroom”, “I best get back to my friends for a little bit” – let her. Don’t go chasing her around the bar or asking after her if she doesn’t return. Give her the space to get curious and wander back to you.

After you’ve spent enough time together, it’s time to exchange numbers and separate, either for the rest of the evening or for a little while. It’s an easy way to show her she isn’t the only thing going on in your life and that you aren’t absolutely crazy for a girl you’ve just met.

Tell her – “It’s been really nice meeting you but I better get back to my friends, before they get annoyed” – say goodbye, exchange numbers, kiss etc, then go.

Likewise if she says – “My friends are leaving, I’m going to go” – again, just let her.


5 – Don’t get drunk.


This one is obvious but it needs to be said. Being stone drunk and stinking of whisky isn’t pleasant. It’ll rid you of your chances as well you inhibitions. Have a couple of drinks for some liquid courage if it helps, but no more. You will know your own limits.

To summarise

1: Have fun with your friends.

2: Stick to one area, mind your own business and don’t go searching for attention.

3: Approach women who have positioned themselves in your orbit.

4: Create space.

5: Don’t get drunk.


Stick to these rules and you won't go far wrong. Before long you'll realise you're the most sought after guy in the bar.



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